Hi Sarah,
thank you for your many questions - as well as dealing with them yourself, I think some others might have them as well, so it is a very good contribution. And great that you found most of the answers yourself already, resp. in your meditation - that’s exactly what the Inner Temple Meditation is for :)
Actually, I think very few people meet their Higher Guardian Angel on their first visit - or their second one - so patience is always a good companion on the way ;-)
To your worries about what magic really is - even if you proceed to the first lesson only, you will read a lot about that - surely there are a many imaginations around about that topic, and the course is designed to exactly help in the understanding of that.
Only in short: True Magic is to serve the Light - which is God - in whatever form the individual likes to refer to Him
To this last remark of yours:
Although I feel so peaceful about doing this course. I still fear the rituals part.
This course is a theoretical one, esp. for non-members of the Brotherhood, so it does certainly not contain any rituals - apart from some (helpful) suggestions about meditations and possible topics for that from the second course-month on (again, for members) it is meant to lay the foundation of understanding about the Western Mysteries and the Qabbalah (btw - one can study the QBL in a merely philosophical spirit as well to enhance one’s understanding of the Self, of God and of the universe, only the so-called “Practical Qaballah” is dealing with the practical part, what could be called Magic).
Anyway, if you don’t like to do whatever - don’t do it :) - it is as simple as that and totally up to you
Hope this helps for the moment ?
Love & Light - and wishing you much joy and new insights if you decide to follow the lessons , maybe seeing you in the forums :)
Nalinie